lonely joy
at ease
want people
not entirely
but yes
need pressure
for safety
no explosion
it’s subtle
not literal

“don’t look,” I say
“oh I see,” she says

hang upside down
let the blood rush
smile and laugh

not earth shattering
but certainly nice
my stomach jolts
my head almost floats
gotta put the feeling on ice

the gardener pulled back the shower curtain
neatly trimmed beard and dirt-caked hands
stared at me under the water then
“get rid of the deadweight,” said the man
but I cannot comply with the demand
a pair of pruners from his waistband
dull metal pushes on the index of my right hand
scream but there is no waking again

let the wild tree be
unpruned for all to see
let the green branches be
naive and put out many leaves
let the bright blossoms be
free to grow fruits heavy
let the wild tree be
eager to live honestly

silk-clad legs slide past each other
no one is awake
just me
in the whole world
I am vivacious
mirror eye contact
hands flail
the smell of roses
the moment is sharp
maybe I can bring me
into the daylight

simmer down
this is adult life
lay on the rug
with a cat and a friend
see hardwood floor
smell flowers
hear a crooner
taste pumpkin spice
feel the textured carpet
calm euphoria

frantic cackling
we are women
race around the room
we will win
burst out of pre-engineered seams
we are alive
traipse on the roof’s ridge
we will dominate