this sickness
it’s falling
into a vat of honey
first,
you can’t move your limbs
then,
it gets into your mouth
you scream
and the sickening sweetness
it invades you
it’s wonderful and terrible.
you’re in control
but you feel out of control
when it gets to your eyes,
it’s the worst.
you can see what you’re doing
and you can see it’s not helping;
but you can’t do anything about it.
lucky, I have self-control
or else
I would smash things with my hands and head
delighting in the electricity of my blood
dig my nails into the fabric of my seat
adrenaline too pure to not express
rip off my skin
encompass the earth
be too big to contain
shatter into billions of pieces
and grow ever larger
like I said
lucky, I have self-control
I wish you could be in my body
to understand why
“fantastic” is my answer
to “how are you?”
